In an exclusive interview with Pravda, Canadian national Tony Babach* chief suspect in the failing capitalist world for the murder of the traitor Leon Trotsky today denied any part in the execution of the cowardly turncoat.
“It is actually crazy!” Mr Babach tells us “can’t a guy take an ice pick on holiday to an obscure Mexican village without getting accused of murder!”
The traitor Trotsky, who nobody had even heard of before this
Babach undertook the six week passage from the Soviet Union to Mexico ‘spontaneously’ after hearing about the ‘world famous Casa Municipal’ in the village of Coyoacán near Mexico City.
“People are saying I went under a false passport simply because I am a Canadian national with a Spanish accent who was living in Moscow!” Tony Babach adds incredulously as he sits in the Pravda office: “but all of this can be easily explained. I was visiting The USSR as a member of the Canadian lumberjack team, when I fell into conversation with a man in a bar who started raving about this incredible house in this small village in Mexico. I am an impulsive guy so I decided to go there. That evening! I had to see that Casa.”
Wearing traditional Canadian clothes and pouring maple syrup over his paella Mr Babach looks and sounds every bit the Canadian national that he says he is.
“I am very grateful to Comrade Stalin and the team at Pravda for giving me the opportunity to clear my name,” Babach continues adding spontaneously: “La Casa de Cortés is a building located on the north side of the Plaza Hidalgo. At twenty eight metres, it has served as an administrative and governmental building since it was constructed in the 18th century.”
Pressed on what else he had done during his visit and whether he had known that the collaborator Leon Trotsky, whose name will go down in infamy as a betrayer of the revolution and the people of the Soviet republics, lived there Mr Babach added: “Not at all. In fact I had never heard of him until people started blaming me for his death.”
As to the photographs that have emerged in recent days of a blood soaked Mr Babach running from Trotsky’s house with a large ice axe protruding from his pocket there is a simple explanation:
Mexico City in October – temperatures can plummet to just 27 Celsius
“Anyone who has ever been to Mexico City can tell you about the risk of heavy snowfall in October. With temperatures plummeting to around 29 Celsius there is an ever present threat of avalanches and I wasn’t going to take chances. It is perfectly normal there. Everyone walks around with ice picks in their pockets. As for the so called ‘blood’ – well I had been eating a sausage and there was too much ketchup on it and some just went all over my shirt and shoes and face and trousers. And hands. That stuff gets everywhere! I love chorizo like any normal Canadian guy! Canada is best!”
After listening to his version of events Comrade Stalin sympathised with the wrongly accused tourist and awarded Babach an Order of Lenin adding – “if you do not believe this perfectly reasonable explanation of events, you will be considered enemies of the people and betrayers of the revolution and all be carted off to a labour camp before being shot in the head. So let’s hear no more about it.”
We are convinced. Up the reds!
* It later transpired that Mr Barbach was really Jaime Ramón Mercader del Río a Spanish national. However despite him confessing to the murder, being held at the murder scene, being found guilty of it and imprisoned for 30 years there is no firm evidence that he was responsible.