The EU is not the USSR. Jeremy Hunt’s deliberate stupidity simply demonstrates that Brexit Britain has jumped the shark.

Since the UK gave up being a major power and opted to be a live action sitcom instead it has faced many problems familiar to those who love the classic comedy format.

The term “Jumping the Shark” refers to the moment when great series go bad. That is when writers run out of ideas, or the material goes stale, or a key character leaves or dies or does something they wouldn’t normally do. Or when the whole cast up and move to a different location – like when Friends came to London and Joey met Fergie, or when the Tories decided to back Brexit and hold their conference in Birmingham.

joey
Joey meets Fergie

The Tory Conference Special started promisingly. The gang booked The ICC, a venue that had been built with £49.7 million of EU funds and whose foundation stone was laid by Jacques Delors. Then there was the app thing and the Festival of Brexit thing. All good material, but then – is it just me or does nobody’s heart seem to be in it anymore?

You get the feeling that most of the cast are just sitting it out and waiting for reruns on Dave and the occasional royalty cheque.

Most – but not all.

With break-out star Boris Johnson off pursuing solo projects, hitherto minor character “Jeremy Hunt” has been given the Foreign Secretary gig and seen his chance to shine. True, the Foreign Office under Jeremy Hunt has become much like The American Office after Steve Carrell, or Les Dennis post Dustin Gee but one time remainer Hunt sees an opportunity. So he’s switched sides and hired his own gagman and tried to insert some of his own lines into the script –

“The EU was set up to protect freedom. It was the Soviet Union that stopped people leaving. The lesson from history is clear!” Hunt told conference yesterday, “if you turn the EU club into a prison, the desire to get out won’t diminish – it will grow … and we won’t be the only prisoner that will want to escape.”

And splash. Headlines grabbed. Shark jumped. Series destined to be cancelled sooner or later but Jeremy has his eye on the sequel and Jeremy doesn’t care.

jump shark
Fonz jumps the shark in pre-Brexit era aka Happy Days

Britain voted to leave the EU in June 2016 and for better or worse (currently) Britain is leaving the EU. Nobody is stopping the UK leaving the EU. How the UK leaves is a matter of negotiation and not a matter of intimidation. The EU is not the EUSSR. So when Hunt suggests otherwise he’s making himself a laughing stock to get some headlines – and as Foreign Secretary he’s pulling us all under with him.

The USSR killed millions of its own people, sent many millions more into labour camps, locked up dissenters and forcibly relocated millions of Kulaks to Siberia. The Soviet Union was a dictatorship. The Soviet Union crushed neighbouring countries, threatened to annihilate the West with nuclear weapons, interfered in the affairs of sovereign nations and murdered, tortured and bullied anyone who got in their way. There were no democratic elections in the USSR. Yes there were elections – but only approved members of the Communist Party could stand. There were no opposition parties. There was no UKIP or Five Star.

Nobody opted to join the Soviet Union. Nobody wanted to. Nobody could vote to leave. At times the people starved. Ordinary food and goods were in short supply. You waited a decade for a shit car – which probably didn’t work. Censorship banned anything and everything not approved by the State – from the pop music stylings of the Village People to Beatles mop tops. Unemployment was a crime. Independent thought got you locked up in the insane asylum. There was a Ministry of Jokes that censored humour.

The Soviet Union did not prosper. It stopped the free movement of people and in particular its people. If you tried to leave it or one of its satellite nations – they either locked you up – or shot you as you ran away.

Migrants fleeing wars didn’t want to go to the USSR because the USSR was the very opposite of the EU in every meaningful way.

Nobody perhaps knows this better than Donald Tusk, President of the European Council, who in the 1980s, while Mr Hunt was Head Boy at the exclusive Charterhouse public school, was a member of the anti-Communist student solidarity movement in Warsaw.

Jeremy Hunt is wholly out of order. Jeremy Hunt should apologise. He won’t. Because Jeremy Hunt knows what he’s doing – he’s reading from the script.

We’re in “After Mash” the M*A*S*H sequel. And if you’ve never heard of it – there’s a reason for that.

aftermash

Brexit expert and twitter user “Dave in Chingford” explains why Brexit will be “easiest thing in the world.”

Twitter user and self-professed “Brexit expert” Dave Fowler, 57, of Chingford in Essex explains how leaving the EU is the easiest thing in the world.

The EU Divorce Bill:

Problem:

The EU member states jointly pay for billions of pounds worth of infrastructure, social programs, scientific projects and pensions and salaries. The UK is committed to this and our share might run as high as £50 billion.

Dave says:

When my first wife discovered I was sleeping with her sister and her other sister and her cousin Nanette, I was so disgusted that she’d been checking my phone behind my back that I just left her. No discussion. No second chances. I was out of there. And next thing you know I’ve got the Child Support Agency on my back telling me I have to pay £200 a week for the kids and that and I told them where to shove it. Also – she always had the TV remote and I never watched what I wanted and so I stopped the payments and then I got put on a credit blacklist and we hadn’t had sex in years but did that matter? No. Theresa May should tell Juncker to go fuck ‘isself. He can send the bailiffs round – whatever – we’re not paying nothing. Get this Jean Claude son – bang on the door all you like mate: “WE’RE NOT ANSWERING.” Problem solved.

divorce

The rights of migrants.

Problem:

Around 3 million EU citizens live in the UK and a further million Britons live in EU countries. Freedom of movement will end officially in March 2019.

Dave says:

Good riddance. Can’t happen quickly enough if you ask me. I can’t just go and live in my neighbour’s house can I? I wouldn’t want to mind as he and I don’t get along on account of my Staffie, Muffin, biting him. Now Muffin is about the most docile dog you ever saw and he sees this fella in his garden and wants to play – and goes bouncing over – he’s naturally curious – but the fucka starts running and screaming and that and Muffin bites him on the leg. And this nonce calls the police. Nark. He’d know our ways if he could speak English. I mean he can speak English but he isn’t English. Pakistani fella. Or Greek. Never asked him to be honest. It’s all changed round here since I moved in three years ago – unrecognizable. Nobody asks their neighbours their names. You used to know them all – in my case it was my brother Andy – but he moved out. Then these Greeks come along. If he goes I’ll be glad to see the back of him. People say there’ll be a problem with all the English in Spain but I don’t see why that should be. Send them to Gibraltar. They can live in Gibraltar. Problem solved.

pitbull
Dave’s beloved dog “Muffin”

Trade and tariffs

Problem:

The EU is the largest free trade bloc on Earth with access to a huge tariff free market. The EU is our biggest trading partner accounting for 44% of all exports and 55% of imports. Crashing out of the EU could mean tariffs on UK exports of up to £6.5 billion a year while imported items could cost 22% more.

Dave says:

It’s easy. We fall back on WTO rules. I heard that on the radio. Everyone else trades with Europe don’t they – without any trouble. I mean America isn’t a part of the EU is it and they don’t seem to be doing too badly. When I left T mobile I got a contract on a pay as you go tariff and it worked out cheaper so I don’t know what the problem with tariffs is. Go to one of them price comparison websites. Problem solved.

Border Controls

Problem:

The UK shares a land border with The Republic of Ireland. Introduction of customs checks at Dover could create a bottle-neck with Tim Waggott, the head of the port of Dover, warning they faced a possible “Armageddon scenario.”

Dave says:

I live off the A1069 in Chingford and like any road it gets busy at different times of the day. If you go down there at 3 a.m. it’s empty. The solution to that Dover thing is to turn the docks into a 24 hour a day operation and not have everyone going at the same time. As for the Northern Ireland thing I’ve never been to Northern Ireland on the road and I don’t know anyone who has so what’s the problem? I’ll tell you the answer in five words. There isn’t one.

Dave’s final thought.

Nothing gets on my tits like media scum on MSM saying people like me don’t understand Brexit. For ninety years the UK was governed directly by the faceless Marxist unelected bureaucrats in Berlin. Nigel Farage got elected President on a promise of ending that and he now has. We have taken back control from the USSR and done it just like we done at Dunkirk – without a single drop of blood being spilt. My great uncle Barry was in the British army in the 1970s in Cyprus and his sacrifice for our todays and tomorrows cannot be forgotten – as I often tell him when we have a pint. Britain can be great again and it will be the envy of the world for escaping the clutches of a foreign power what has ruined our way of life. The EU will no more impose on us the transgender community’s demands for Sharia law in the work place and windfarms and that. God save the Queen.

windfarm